dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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