dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
