ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
