Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
