Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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