Where is the hickey?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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