Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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