I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
