I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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