I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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