Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
