i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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