She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
