dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Small penises have feelings too.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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