Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
