Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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