what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
