I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
