I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
