there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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