What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
