I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
