Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
