the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
