it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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