i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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