**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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