Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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