I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
