why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
