I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
