dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
