i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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