Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
