PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
