Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
