oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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