So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
