You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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