Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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