ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
