1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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