So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
