Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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