when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
