How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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