So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can I color on your dick again?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
