so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
