You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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