I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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