I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
