Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
