I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
