I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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