I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
