final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
