Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
