Acid is not a monday night drug
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
