i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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