so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
