i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
