I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
