Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
