Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
