At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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