I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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