margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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