It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
