Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
