24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
