Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
