This girl is more easily done than said...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
