he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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