i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
