By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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