dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize