How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
