I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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