I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
