It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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