Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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