alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
