The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
