Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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