There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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