girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize