you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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