someone owes me an orgasm
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
