i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
