your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
