I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
