Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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