So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the day after is always just damage control
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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