Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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