FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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