Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
