Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
