please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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