Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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