Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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