My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
