Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
