Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
