Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize