The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize