first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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