I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
