I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
