Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
