Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize