Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
