We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
